In the helping professions dealing more with mental and emotional healing, coaches, therapists and counselors use what we call the Miracle Question. In this, we ask “if something were to change overnight, to be different, and you awakened in the morning and just knew something was different, what would it be? What would have to change to notice a difference?”
Today, we want you to answer the miracle question and create a wishlist. Don’t just focus on your behavior or on your child(ren)’s. Provide a good mix. Start with 3 things, if you want, or one major from you and one major item for your children. I’ll go first.
- If my husband and my daughter learned to effectively communicate, there would be less stress and intervention on my part. If they magically learned how to speak with each other instead of at or over each other, I’d know something was different.
- If I awakened in the morning and my pain and stress were magically gone, I’d know something was different.
So, my coach or therapist would help me brainstorm and figure out ways to let go of the things I find stressful (my husband and my daughter’s communication being one of them) and would help me learn to relax. My coach or therapist would also limit my intervening in the communication issue I see, or would help me provide tools to aid them in better communication.
I want you to think about your answers to the question: if something were to change overnight and things were better in the morning, what would be the thing that changed?
How would you know it’s better?
Then I want you to think about activities that you can do to help make those things happen. Write your answers on your piece of paper or in your notebook. This week, I want you to choose one activity that you hope will make things better and I want you to begin doing it. So for me, if that’s soaking in a hot bath for ½ hour with a lit candle, music playing, a glass of wine, and a good book to read, then I would pick a time to soak in the tub. For my older daughter, that seems to be taking her journal outside and sitting in the fresh air. My younger daughter needs physical affection, so for her to relax and let go of stress she likes to be tickled or hugged. Most nights, my oldest daughter and I sip hot tea while we try to relax and de-stress. Since I’m having leg pain issues, I really enjoy when my husband rubs my feet and ankles. That helps me relax to be able to sleep better.
So, answer. Implement (begin doing). Then let us know how you’re doing and if you’ve noticed any changes – these changes usually begin within yourself, so don’t be surprised if you see that you are different.